THE ARCANE ARCHIVE
	a cache of usenet and other text files pertaining to occult, mystical, and spiritual subjects.

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excerpted from:
EMAIL WITHOUT TEARS
Volume 2                      Issue 7                      9307.01 e.v.

at 
 http://www.luckymojo.com/.soc/.thel/oto/.ewt/EWT2.07

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From: Haramullah (Original authors unknown, with some editing for style)

Subject: The Broken Link

(Serving the expelled, the disenfranchised, the suspended, the 
lapsed, the excommunicated, the members on bad report and the vaguely 
dissatisfied .)

Volume 1  Number 1, 5 e.h.b., 1991  e.v.

Do what you're told shall be the whole of the law.
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A MESSAGE FROM MASTER BETA

It is a privilege and an honor for me to be able to address the ranks 
of the expelled, the out-of-favor and the disenfranchised.  Thanks to 
all of you, I have been able to more thoroughly catalogue the wide 
range of activities for which you can be expelled.  As you know, 
Crowley left a rather sketchy accounting of the offenses warranting 
expulsion or other punitive action. He seemed to be some kind of 
anarcho-libertarian with a disdain for rules and order!  Luckily, 
he's not around to be in charge of the Order today!

Anyway, although the complete revised set of rules which every 
Thelemite should abide by consists of 120 meg worth of data which 
only I can access (as soon as I remember the password), here is a 
partial list of naughty things for which people have been expelled, 
suspended, bad reported, or brought up on charges: not paying dues; 
threatening members; being rumored to have threatened members; 
molesting little boys; being Frater Achad; being Kenneth Grant; 
ripping off Crowley stuff and giving it to Charlie Manson; buying 
Boleskine and not sharing; bookstealing; rentstealing; being 
rumored to steal; psychic rape; annoying my business partners;
publishing secret stuff; claiming psychic attack victory when 
anything bad happens to your enemies; writing mean letters; 
repeating sanctuary gossip; possessing documents; being 
impertinent; being the relative, lover or spouse of anyone who has 
done any of the above or just generally being an icky person.

Those of you reading this who haven't actually been thrown out yet 
may have committed some of these offenses yourself, or you may know 
someone who has.  In this case, it is your duty to fink.  Remember, 
I bestow political rewards on those with the good taste to fink on 
their brethren, especially if I can benefit personally.  And those 
of you who are wise enough to fink on yourselves will have the 
clear conscience of knowing you told the truth, even if it is to 
your own detriment.  I am more enlightened than you, and I am 
especially qualified to judge your actions, so fink even if the 
particular offense isn't on this partial list.  It might be on the 
secret list, which you aren't allowed to see.  So don't let your 
ego get in the way of the establishment of the law of Thelema!  
Drop that dime!  Rat on a brother or sister today!

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FROM THE CROWLEY ARCHIVES

This cryptic note was found enscribed on a piece of paper found stuck 
to the original manuscript of Liber Al.  The Master Beta found it 
while he was orgiastically fondling the document, which is kept in 
a secret place in New York where no one can see it.  It reads as 
follows:

eggs
kippers
leavings of red wine
3 tins each heroin and cocaine
white stain remover

What could this secret message mean?  There is a reference to eggs, 
which, as we all know, are a part of the Secret of the Sanctuary!  
Leavingsof red wine are mentioned in Liber Al!  If you translate 
this message into Hebrew and add up all the letters, it comes to 
3812, which is 93 times 41.8, almost!

According to _The Unexpurgated Sephir Sephiroth_ (9 volumes, 
Dweeb Press, 1990), this number stands for Vague Apathy, 
Hemorrhoidal Bleeding, the angel Gnarliel and Get A Life, You 
Kabbalah Nerd!  If you find another secret meaning to this 
message, please send it to Frater Tweekmore, care of the Grand 
Lodge.

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NEW O.T.O. PRODUCTS

Soror Sodomy is producing a new line of greeting cards especially 
for people who have been suspended, expelled, or otherwise 
disciplined.  Buy some to keep in stock, just in case!

Frater Brownnose is manufacturing a special line of sex magick 
condoms which come in a variety of colors, flavors and sigils.  
Additionally, they come in a variety of sizes, from the petite 
'Los Angeles' model to the medium-sized 'New Yorker' style.  
The cleverly designed 'Expelled Member' model has hundreds of 
raised pleasure bumps, ridges and hexagrams.  It also freezes 
well, in case you want to preserve your precious bodily fluids 
for future enjoyment or perhaps mail them to secret English sex 
magick societies.

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EXCITING CONTEST!

Can you name all of the past Grand Secretaries General?  If you 
can, you may be eligible for a drawing to win the 'Grand Secretary 
General For A Day' contest. Simply list all of the people that 
you think have been Grand Secretary General and send your list to 
the Office of the Supreme Grand High Illuminated Pontiff in New 
York.  All correctly spellchecked entries will be eligible.

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CROWLEYCOMP NEWS

Will fuckyou person who modemed fuckyou program 'Leisure Suit 
Larry in Modes and Emblems' to fuckyou CrowleyComp bulletin 
board please identify yourself?  Fuckyou program contained a 
worm in fuckyou form of a program which replaced all 
repetitions of a common English word in our computer files 
with an Anglo-Saxon expletive.  We believe we have successfully
debugged fuckyou computer system, although some of us believe 
that the program was only modified, so that fuckyou screen 
appears normal but fuckyou printed text is altered.  The person 
who did this should be ashamed to be a Fuckyoulemite.

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FIND THE FRATERNITY CONTEST

Are they in Fairfax?  New York?  JAF?  Buffalo?  Riverside?  
A wonderful prize may be waiting for you if you can find the 
fraternity!  If you know where to mail your entry, you are 
probably a winner!

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LODGE AND CAMP REPORTS

Unfortunately, all of the bodies who remembered to send in their 
reports have been suspended or expelled.  Why do you need to read 
local gossip any way? The news from New York should be enough for 
you. How much do you really know about New York, anyway?  
Everything is fine.

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ELECTORAL COLLEGE REPORT

The former president has fled in terror, to be replaced by Frater 
Leroy. Ask Frater Leroy about the original Missing Link some time.  
We at the Broken Link all approve heartily of this latest change 
in the hierarchy.

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FORMER MEMBERS' REPORT

The former members are all doing fine. Those who never joined in 
the first place are doing fine.  We have good jobs, fantastic sex 
lives and are invited to the best parties.  We are very happy not 
to be donating our energy wholesale to a bunch of neurotic psychic 
vampires.  This leaves us more energy for our own pursuits!

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LAWSUIT ROUNDUP

This week the focus is on libel suits.  So far the score has been 
in our favor. Here is a handy libel suit chart:

Book: Motta's _Equinox_
What it said about the Order: Various bad things about Grady,
                              Phyllis, Heidrick, etc.
Resolution of suit: The case went to the Supreme Court, which ruled in
                    favor of everyone but Heidrick.

Book: _Ghost Story_
What it said about the Order: It is a secret club of vampires.
Resolution of suit: Money, Order name changed to 'X.X.X.' in 
		    future editions.

Book: _The Ultimate Evil_
What it said about the Order: It is a Satanic cult who essentially told
                              Charlie Manson to do it.
Resolution of suit: Apology, money.

Book: _The Family_
What it said about the Order: Jean Brayton was once a member and she told
                              Charlie Manson to do it.
Resolution of suit: Chapter excised from future editions.

Book: _Painted Black_
What it said about the Order: It is a Satanic cult whose newletters 
			      contain self-serving drivel.
Resolution of suit: Settled very recently, probably for nuisance 
		    value, as official announcement was rather 
		    understated.  Publishers promised to print 
		    nicer editions in the future.

Book: _High Weirdness by Mail_
What it said about the Order: It is composed of antisocial rejects and
                              resentful nerds.
Resolution of suit: No suit filed for some reason.

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Love is the law, love under duress.

EOF