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Orgasms - help!

To: soc.sexuality.general
From: catherine yronwode 
Subject: Re: Orgasms - help!
Date: 21 Mar 2001 21:32:51 -0800

"Ann E"  wrote:
> Talking solo sex here, I can get a certain way. I know what sort of
> stimulation I like, it's quite strong, and I can get to the point
> where the tension is there, and my legs get a bit fluttery. Now in
> all the literature on orgasm, descriptions vary wildly, but these
> things I have deduced: orgasm is supposed to be a kinda release of
> tension, and it's supposed to be pleasurable, and you're supposed to
> notice it.

I too have had that trembly legs sensation -- and it is not orgasm (for
me, anyway) -- in fact, if often is the result of my holding my body,
especially my thighs, tense while stimulating myself directly on the
clitoris very rapidly. 

I am going to give you advice different than what others have given so
far. That is, i am going to tell you not to go the vibrator route, or to
train your mind. 

I am going to make a couple of assumptions: 

I am going to assume that you know where your clitoris is and that you
know the full extent of its anatomy (an upside-down "Y" shape, NOT the
little "button" or glans). If you don't know what i am talking about
here and want to see a picture and read more about the full range of
clitoral anatomy, go to
and also go to

Okay, with that understood, the next assumption i am going to make is
that you are masturbating while lying on your back, using a vibrator. I
am making this assumption because you said in another post that you do
use a vibrator and you said in your first post that you get trembly legs
-- and i only get trembly legs when on my back rubbing my clitoral glans
very rapidly (i don't use a vibrator, but the effect is similar). 

If i am wrong with this assumption about the position you use, i am
sorry, but you did not give us a lot of information :-) and the
laying-on-back or siiting-against-a-pillow positions are the most
convenient with a vibrator AND are the ones that men like to see in porn
images (because they reveal a lot of the vulva) and for these and other
reasons, many young women think that laying on the back is the "right"
position to take for masturbation. 

I would like you to try an entirely different position and a different
way of manipulating your clitoris. As a solo practice, it simulates the
woman-on-top position in heterosexual intercourse. Crouch down on your
hands and knees, with your dominant hand by your crotch. Slide down
until you are sitting on the heel of your foot of the same saide as your
hand (right heel if right hand, left heel if left hand). Get your heel
under your crotch so you can rub and press your perineum against your
heel, putting pressure on the crura (forks) of the clitoris. Crook your
hand in souch a way that you can rub alongside your clitoral glans with
your bent index finger. Move your hips in such a way that you are
"fucking" your heel and rubbing your clitoral glans as if it were the
pubic bone of your partner. If the sensation is too strong or you do not
have much fat-padding on your mons or have bony fingers, you can wrap
your finger in a couple thicknesses of sheet or use the corner of a
pillow to pad it. You can apply quite firm pressure to the clitoral
glans this way, without a lot of rubbing friction, so you won't need

This crouching form of masturbation has succeeded for women who have
never had orgasms when laying on their backs. In fact, i became so used
to this crouched position as a teenager that were it not for my *male
partners* over the years expecting me to masturbate laying on my back
with legs spread (to give them a show), i never would have thought to
try masturbating in THAT position -- and when alone, i almost never use
it.  I have no idea how many women use the crouched position or prefer
it -- but i have actually taught it to non-orgasmic women and they were
able to come in this position. It is not a cure-all or a magic position
-- it is just something i know works for me and for a lot of my friends. 

Good luck -- and if my assumptions were wrong, well, now you know that
you should give more detailed descriptions when asking for advice! 

cat yronwode

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