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Anal Sex

To: soc.sexuality.general
From: (SOD of the CoE)
Subject: Re: Anal Sex
Date: 9 Jun 2001 01:29:01 -0700

orig-50010416 Vom 

explanatory note:
  below I do not identify 'sex' as necessarily involving any 
  particular body parts, genders, or numbers of people. (john) asks about conditioning for anal penetration:
>>> Once you have gotten started, is it physically pleasurable, 
>>> or is it mostly mentally pleasurable?

physically, as Elf testifies....

I would agree that initially and occasionally thereafter I have
had a kind of taboo experience (factors into pleasure) when engaging 
in solo anal sex in rituals. I'd compare this directly with how I
felt initially (about 8 years of age) regarding masturbation. this 
has gradually decreased as I have become more outspoken about my 
enjoyment of the sexuality being discussed. there was a kind of 
'charge' which was expended based inversely on my own familiarity and 
proximate identification with any activity around which I felt these 
feelings. (Elf Sternberg):
>> As someone who enjoys receptive anal sex (*sigh*), I would say
>> that it's very pleasurable physically.

I can understand the frustration, Elf, at championing the apparently
less well-known fact that male enjoyment of anal penetration is NOT
a reliable predictor as regards sexual orientation. ;> let me put in
my voice of support for you, being predominantly heterosexual myself
(by 'predominantly' I mean I've had a male lover or two, but I have
never engaged in anal sex of any kind with them). (john):
> who could possibly enjoy getting to the point where it doesn't hurt
> anymore or where one is "used to it?"  Why would anyone bother?  
> Is it not a painful thing for every recipient?  Does is really feel 
> that grand to the "giver?"  Seriously.  What about gay guys?  Do they 
> suddenly realize one day that they'll have to inflict that sort of 
> pain on someone or receive it?  What's the appeal in that

	* bodies differ in their structure and nervous system wiring;
	  therefore, one person may have difficulties or problems
	  trying to do the same thing as another; this is as true for
	  feats of strength, dexterity, or whatever, as for feats of

	* enjoyment is at least in part subject to variation based
	  on conditioning; therefore, previous experiences and
	  present attitudes may affect perceptions of bodily
	  manipulation and sensation

	* flesh and tendons and other bodily structures are elastic;
	  therefore they can be *trained* to accomodate a variety of
	  what we might consider to be unusual or extreme shapes,
	  openings and their sizes, or penetrating items and
	  decorative effects

	* sexual orientation is not directly linked to sexual activity;
	  therefore you cannot be sure based on what someone's
	  preferences might be what kind of activity they may engage,
	  and so anal penetration is not necessarily the province of
	  heterosexual women and homosexual men -- some people like
	  to stimulate their own ass, some enjoy a certain kind of
	  person to do it for them, and some people don't want to
	  have anything to do with anal sex of any kind, all without
	  regard to their sexual orientation

	* pain and pleasure are not 'opposite' experiences to everyone
	  -- there are some individuals (apparently a good number) for 
	  whom pain is merely a *different kind of stimulus* and may
	  become part of their sexuality -- this is the 'masochism'
	  of Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism (BDSM); 
	  therefore, your question about 'enduring' the pain of anal 
	  sex is not applicable to those for whom such minor (or 
	  indeed major) pain is sexually exciting 
> The couple of time we tried it, my wife also complained about 
> feeling like she had to go to the bathroom for hours afterward.

that is one of the possible outcomes of anal sex.

> You beat me to my question- for those women in the group (and I 
> suppose guys for that matter) who do have anal sex on a regular 
> or semi-regular basis, is there actual pleasure involved for you, 
> or is the only pleasure the pleasure of giving pleasure?  I 
> suppose there's the element of taboo, as well.

I can't speak for those who have experience with anal penetration by
someone else's body part(s) other than some fingers. however, I *can*
speak concerning the pleasure of having objects (predominantly dildos)
inserted into my ass (by myself or others), whether or not this was
accompanied by masturbation or coitus. my memory is that I never had
a time I had to 'become accustomed to the pain of anal penetration'.

early on I enjoyed rather large dildos (to such an extent that my
lover -- my first girlfriend was somewhat amazed by my receptive
capacity). I later learned that I could intensify the experience with
vibration (as with vibrating dildos) or shape (a cone-shape sending
me through the roof as my asshole was progressively spread in
proportion to depth of penetration). I've never combined these, 
though I do find that certain textures make the experience more
pleasurable or less likely to result in my physical damage. resilient
substances such as the soft latex-like rubber buttplug I obtained
a few years ago are MUCH more conducive to pleasure without any kind
of pain (like you, I tend to avoid painful experiences such as I've
had when inserting an object too wide for me to handle, especially
something roughly cone-shaped).
> ...maybe there's some prostate stimulation involved?  ...

I don't know my own body well enough to know where my prostate is
beyond a general location, or what it feels like to have this gland
stimulated directly (as by a doctor's exam or some specific sexual
activity involving this), but I wouldn't be surprised if this were
the case. HOWEVER, I can tell you that the way that *I* am wired,
the sensation of anything going in OR OUT of my ass is usually
quite pleasurable. so defecation can become a kind of mystical
experience at times. on the other side, peeing is very pleasurable
too! I've often compared the experiences of elimination in my mind
with eating and drinking. the complexity of taste isn't there, but
the pleasure in substances going in *and* out of me is wonderful.
I gather I'm not alone in this regard, but my experience is far
from universal.

> Have you experienced any of the difficulties Moana and some of 
> the other ladies have mentioned?  Is it easier for men in some way?  

from what I've heard (e.g. serene, others offline) this does not 
seem completely related to gender, though prostate stimulation 
may be a partial factor for some.


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